Thank You, August

I wanted this month to finish as soon as possible. I counted the days.

And now I never want to forget it.

A lot happened. I couldn’t even count it. I couldn’t process one thing before there was already another thing.

New job. New city. New home. New people. New area. Everything new.

And in the middle of all that, I lost my grandfather.

But it wasn’t just the grief.

There were distances. Relationships I was trying to let go of. The people I was depending on turned their backs on me.

I thought these are the people I can expect support from. But all they were doing was trying to make me learn a lesson.

I kept telling them, this is not the time to learn lessons. This is the time I just need support.

And the friends I relied on started saying I was complaining too much.

So I stopped saying anything.

The job I thought was going to work out, I didn’t like it from day one. I was just stuck between this and that.

And this was the month my health gave up. Every day there was some other issue. One day the leg. Then the eye. Then a cold. Every single day something.

I got so fed up. It overwhelmed me, honestly. I’m not going to deny it.

I cried almost every day.

What am I doing. Where have I landed up.

But one thing I have realised.

Yes, you are very lucky if you have that surrounding. But everyone gets busy in their own lives. That’s it. That’s all it is.

I felt isolated from all the sides.

And I handled every single thing anyway. The losses. The grief. The doubts. The uncertainty. The health. Visiting the doctor alone. Doing everything on my own.

This is also the month I took therapy.

I understood my patterns. Why I behave the way I do. Why some relationships are not working.

Somewhere my inner child was saying, I don’t want these lessons. I’m tired of these lessons.

But this is the month I came closer to myself. Not just closer. I started understanding me.

So yes. It was overwhelming.

But August, thank you so much for showing me that I’m capable.

I don’t think I’ll ever have a fear of doing things again. Not after this month.

And I’m so, so, so fucking proud of me. I’m giving that to myself, because nobody handed it to me this month.

I have come so far. I have achieved so much. I have dealt with so much. And I’m still here, still making sure I’m taking care of me.

And to that little girl:

I’ll be there for you. I’m here for you. I’m going to support you no matter what. You are my first priority.

Thank you for being so courageous. You are so, so, so fucking good.

I’m proud of you. I admire you. I’m a fan of you.

And this girl deserves love. This girl deserves relationships. This girl deserves family.